So the other day I watched a show called The Fall. It was about a serial murderer and at the end he ended up killing him self with a plastic bag and a belt. I was not expecting this turn of events and it was very intense for me. It was intense because I’ve tried to kill myself before. I tried to kill myself when I was 14 actually.
I used about 63 pills, obviously I failed and here I am. Anyway the scene of the character killing himself with suffocation made it look so easy. I then realized one of the things that had been holding me back from attempting to kill myself again was having access to a easy method. Suffocation really is as simple as having a belt and a plastic bag. It would be quick and pretty absolute. For a bit there I actually started to plan and consider doing this. I’m really not even sure why, but my mind just gets fixated on death sometimes. My life is pretty good. I have a loving boyfriend and I have a few friends. I have animals that I love and there are things I enjoy. I’m in school and doing well. Even though these things exists in my life there’s still a black hole within me that craves just to not exist. It just craves the peace of not having to be anymore.
I see death as peace. I don’t currently plan on suffocating myself. That feeling has passed, and more so been tucked away if there’s ever a need for it.
I’m actually feeling pretty good about this blog. Should’ve started one sooner.